Threads of Knowledge

I’m trying to win an iPad 2 in the iSave, iWrite, iPad competition from PlayPennies.com!

I (and my husband, let’s say for the record) have just decided that I should not return to work and be a full time mum to our 10 month old. This has not been a decision taken lightly as the thought of living off one salary is scary enough without adding the expensive business of raising a child.

We began the process of looking at our monthly spending over the past year and we were shocked to realise how much money we were wasting on unnecessary things. The saying “save the pennies and the pounds will save themselves” has to ring true as we could not believe how quickly little spends added up to a lot of money. As children of a throw away generation we now have to teach ourselves to be thrifty and although this is not easy, the sooner we start the easier our pensionable years will be.

As a parent you can almost see your money flying out the window when you realise how quickly your tiny baby outgrows clothes and toys. When I was pregnant, I dipped my feet into the world of recycled maternity clothing. My logic was that as you actually wear maternity clothing for such a limited time, it was a waste to pay such extortionate prices for something with such a limited use. This logic has now extended to baby clothes and certain baby related items, within the boundaries of still remaining a responsible parent. There is a world of value in sites such as E-bay, gum tree. Fo.lk and freecycle etc.

We also stumbled across a site quite by accident that has become a daily favourite. It is a site designed for “pennywise parents”, called Playpennies. This site does the hard work for us in scanning the internet and shops for good deals. No-one loves a bargain more than a parent trying to keep costs down and we would honestly say that we love this site even if we weren’t trying to win a competition. They are part of the Hotdeals network and have sister sites too, all aimed at helping consumers.

We have also found that we, I mean our son, gets bored of his toys, even with weekly alternations and this is how we have come to find the value of  the Sure Start Centres.  They are government funded, at least for now, and are a completely free resource where I can take our son during the week and allow him to play with an impressive array of toys and at the same time interact with other children.

So I guess it wouldn’t be fair of us to only cut back on expenses relating to my son, so we have had to re-assess what we do, too. The fundamentals to saving money are knowing what things cost and knowing what you need. If you know what you need, you will be less tempted to shop compulsively and if you know what things cost, you will be able to recognise and take advantage of a bargain or know when you are being “fooled”.

Food shopping has been our main focus of late. We have taken this money saving effort as an opportunity to try new things and develop new meal ideas and it is proving to be a double positive. How many of us just replace a brand with a brand every time we shop without a second thought. We have found that many of the ‘own brands’ are actually just as good and a fraction of the price and we would never have learned this without changing our mindset.

Pre baby, we used to enjoy wondering through shopping malls and this often meant something more, whether it be a bite to eat or a naughty treat, let alone the temptations of compulsive buying at the other stores. Besides the obvious expenses, this was compounded by excessive parking charges and rising fuel costs. Now we are actually saving money and having more fun, walking to parks and play areas with the pram and being out in the fresh air. We found an invaluable book produced by the NCT in our area at our local bookshop. It is a guide for the under fives and is a detailed list of things to do with your child, whether it be playgrounds, activities, groups, classes or many more. It is compiled by local parents based on their experiences of child-friendly things-to-do in the local area. We are able to plan fun and interesting activities to suit our means and you can be amazed by just how much free or inexpensive fun you can find if you know where to look and luckily this guide makes it so easy.

Even though I desperately wanted to breastfeed, it was not to be. Although I know that there will always be a sceptical midwife who will doubt that I really gave it my all, my husband and I (and my son if he could talk) would testify to this. Unfortunately Noah was unable to latch. This was partially due to a very sore head in the very beginning from being pulled out with forceps after getting his rather large head well and truly stuck under my ribs; and this event had also caused the nerve leading to the tongue to be compressed, causing him to “chomp down as opposed to suck” as the nursing specialist put it. My milk also never came in properly and although I expressed milk for 13 weeks, I could never really give him enough and had to resort to daily formulae top ups. Eventually the physical and emotional torment of trying to force my screaming son to try and latch every feed grew too much and when my milk supply diminished to less than 15 mls in a half hour expressing session, the benefit seemed to outweigh the effort.

We had bought the Avent Electric Steam Steriliser on special when we were pregnant and started using this to sterilise the bottle and breast pump. I have to say that it did the job and I do not want to run the product down as Philips are a good company and have really good products, but this is my personal experience and if I were to advise a friend on where to save money, this would be one tip. Firstly, although the system claimed to run an 8 minute cycle, the cycle from switching on to switching off was closer to 17 minutes. I used the right amount of water as per the supplied plastic jug with water measure mark, so this cannot be user error. Secondly, if you were in a hurry to use a bottle, even with using the tongs provided, the steam was still very hot. Finally, logically the bottles only stay sterilised until you open the steriliser. This means that you cannot prepare bottles on demand and either have to make them in advance or have to constantly run the steriliser. Because my expressed milk varied in amount,  advanced preparation was not an option for me and this meant that the electric sterilising option would have continued to be an expensive option with the price of electricity these days.

A friend of mine suggested using the old trusted sterilising fluid option and I am so glad that she did. All it took was a large Tupperware container (we used a deep bowl with a recessed plate on top to keep the items submerged in the beginning), water and sterilising fluid. You can buy a 1 litre bottle of Milton for approximately £2.40 and as you only have to use 30ml per 5 litres of water, this will last you over a month. Some shops also sell their own branded fluids that can cost even less. We eventually purchased a Milton sterilising container that can hold up to six bottles at a time and clearly marks the water fill line to either 2.5 or 5 litres for convenience and this cost just over a tenner. This system takes 15 minutes to sterilise and the same solution can be kept for up to 24 hours. The beauty of this cheap and simple method means that you can keep adding and removing items as and when you need them.

Another benefit that I would not have been aware of otherwise, was that the steam steriliser seemed to cause the teats and particularly the flexible moulding on my expensive breast pump to perish quicker than using the fluid steriliser. I had to actually source and replace these parts quite early on and when I changed sterilising methods, they remained in good condition for much longer and are in fact, still in working order.

Another much lesser consideration that I should mention, is that although the two items take up roughly as much space as each other on my kitchen counter, I can choose where to place the Milton container as it does not require access to a plug socket. This in my specific kitchen, where sockets are at a premium, is quite a bonus.

Before I start, let me tell you that for many years I did not think that motherhood was for me. I have never been a naturally maternal person and used to and still battle with trying to relate to these little people. I think that you need to understand this in order to truly appreciate how far I have come on this journey and that when I am brutally honest about my feelings along the way, you can view these in the context of this journey without judgement or concern.

I first suspected being pregnant on Tuesday the 27th October 2009. I recall this well as my sister had just had an emergency C-section 2 months early after an undetected urinary tract infection had caused her waters to rupture and my beautiful nephew (who is now a perfectly healthy, active 19 month old boy) to go into distress. Over the preceding weeks my stomach had been feeling incredibly touch sensitive and it seemed to be constantly cramping. I had also awoken one night with an incredible pain in my abdomen. The pain was so sharp that it actually woke me from a deep sleep and seemed to last a couple of minutes and disappear. Only when I did not begin my next period did I think back and  realise that this must have been the egg implanting itself. My husband and I nervously waited for the home pregnancy test results on the following Saturday. We did a cheap no-name brand version first and then a more expensive digital one, both to make sure and to help us determine how far along we were. It was an emotional time. The digital test said that we were 3 weeks in. This was the easy part.

We decided to keep our news to ourselves until our first scan at 12 weeks, mainly so that we did not take any of the limelight away from my sister’s new arrival and all the excitement that he was bringing to the family. Coincidentally this landmark appointment fell 2 days before Christmas making a perfect and inexpensive gift to announce to our parents who had come to terms with the fact that we were not going to add to the family trees – we had been married for over 8 years at this stage. Keeping the news from our families was easier as I mentioned in a previous post that they stay continents away, but facing 24/7 morning sickness made it very difficult to keep from friends and colleagues locally. Facing a packed half-hour train journey, 15 minute tube ride and 15 minute walk to the office during rush hour really did not help. I often found myself managing my breathing and literally praying for my dignity to be spared. Little did I realise at this stage that there is little to no dignity in pregnancy. I eventually resorted to putting in for leave from mid December to early January just to hide from the world and feel miserable in private.

All the sources  I read advised that most morning sickness passes by week 12. Hmmm, really…?! This information was as misleading as the name “morning” sickness. I remained sick to my core until 22 weeks and it was there morning, noon and night, ranging from moderately nauseous most of the time to being physically and violently ill fairly often. Now when I say that my morning sickness only lasted for 22 weeks, I should maybe add some technical comments. My whole day sickness lasted until 22 weeks but this was replaced by morning sickness that remained until I gave birth. I began each day with a race to spend at least 5 to 10 minutes hanging over the toilet. This was a vast improvement and I was happy to be able to get done with it and get on with my day. Now in case you think that I am just going to moan about the whole pregnancy, I have to say I was lucky in the way that I managed to dodge the tiredness element that many other ladies experience. This in itself was amazing as my diet during the first trimester was terrible purely because my body only seemed to tolerate carbs!

As my belly swelled and the weeks passed, my weight and nervousness about the birth were not the only things that increased. I have an inherited reflux condition that was massively exacerbated by the pregnancy hormones. I had taken a personal decision not to take my chronic medication for this condition during the pregnancy as the medication was a category C and I was not comfortable taking something that had not been tested during pregnancy. From about 30 weeks this condition became so severe that I was no longer able to sleep lying down and found that the most comfortable way to rest was propped up on almost all the pillows in our house, sparing just one for my dear husband who’s bed space diminished by the week. Even through all this, I was still able to somehow take my pregnancy for granted for the next 4 weeks.

I had my first real wake up call in week 34. I had begun to have a few dizzy spells over the weekend that I thought were related to the sudden heat wave. On the Sunday my feet ballooned so much so that my husband had to go and buy me some slip on black shoes that could pass for work shoes as none of my shoes would fit anymore. I had read warnings about sudden bloating and decided that I should go and visit the doctor for a check up. My shock was when the doctor wanted to call an ambulance after taking my blood pressure. I had to stay in maternity overnight and was diagnosed with pre-eclampsia. I was placed on medication and had a weekly appointment at the hospital to check on things. This was my first wake up call to start to take things a little easier. Apparently I could not do everything I used to do and be  mother too. This was something that I would have to get used to and still continue to now.

My next wake up call was two weeks later. I was working from home that day to spare me the stress of the journey into London and I decided to get some things done around the house during a half hour lunch break. I had been working all morning with the laptop on my lap with my feet up and felt fine. I decided to do a quick downstairs vacuum and proceeded to cleaning the kitchen floor with antibacterial wipes. I stood up and was washing my hands by the sink when something popped and there was an almighty wave of liquid that flowed from my body. I had not been aware of any need for the toilet and my trousers and the floor were absolutely saturated. I slipped out of my trousers and waddled upstairs to make the calls and clean myself. I called the hospital, my husband and my boss and then took a bath while waiting for my husband to take me to hospital.

At the hospital I was connected to a foetal heart monitor and had an internal exam of sorts and was told that I had just wet myself!!??!! I was angry, embarrassed, confused and actually scared. I was so sure that this was not the case. I thought that I knew what relieving myself felt like and this had been very different. The fluid was clear and my urine only shortly before the event had been quite coloured. The amount of liquid had been so much more than I thought was possible to just be urine. How could I have been so wrong and how would I be able to know the difference if it happened again? More importantly, what if it happened again and I was not at home? What if it happened at work or on the train somewhere in London? Remember earlier I mentioned that there was little to no dignity in pregnancy? Don’t get me wrong, I knew that having the baby at 36 weeks was not the best thing for my boy and this brought some relief, but my emotions were on overdrive about this event.

I went home and did my frantic internet searches for ladies who had had similar experiences. A few blogs and medical sites referred to a situation where the hind waters could break, expelling liquid and then manage to somehow reseal themselves, so that it is almost impossible to tell from the internal examination that I had been given. If this was the case, the advice was to watch out for infection and prepare for the birth which would follow soon.  I cannot tell you how terrified I was to go into London the next day, but I had to attend a meeting. I took a complete change of clothes…

Five days later I struggled to get comfortable while working. Something was off. I had a warmth in my back and tweaks in my entire body. My husband told me that my recent experience might have made me a little paranoid when I told him that something was happening. A friend called and assured me that I was just having Braxton Hicks contractions. We went to bed around 11pm. I woke up around midnight feeling funny again. I sat up and heard a pop. A  relatively small amount of fluid came out on the waterproof sheet saver that I had started sleeping on. Hubby was awake at this point and helped me to the toilet. When I cleaned myself up I realised that there was some blood. We called the hospital and I still said that I was feeling fine and could wait until my 9am weekly pre-eclampsia appointment in the morning. They insisted that I come in for a check up and I am very glad they did. By the time we got to the car, I realised that I was indeed in labour. Only ten minutes later and now half way to the hospital, I knew without a doubt that I was. By the time I got into the hospital, I was 8cm dilated and was ecstatic when they offered me gas and air.

The next events passed in a blur. The nurse who performed the internal was the only one on duty who was available at that time. My traumatised husband literally had to hold the torch for her and no, he could not just point and close his eyes, he had to look and ensure that he was shining it at the correct angle. A very embarrassed nurse suddenly informed us that she thought that she had just stuck her fingers up my poor baby’s anus. We had a scan and it confirmed that we were in a breach situation and we were strongly advised to have a C-section. We asked for a few minutes to discuss the matter and were told that time was not on our side as I was fully dilated. We agreed and into theatre we went. One of my most vivid memories was when they were giving me the anesthetic and I heard a nurse and then my husband, who stared directly into my eyes while saying it in a slightly panicked voice: “Don’t push!” I only later found out that before I got into the theatre my baby’s testicles where already visible. Many weeks later the midwife told me that we had been the talk of the hospital and were being referred to by the staff as the people with the testicle baby. Nice story for his 21st!

As it turns out, not only was my son breach, but his head was and had been stuck under my ribs for some time and they really had to use force while removing him with forceps. How happy we were that we had opted to listen to the advice to have the C-section. Noah was born at 3.10am and was and still is perfect. This was the end of pregnancy and the beginning of something so much harder but just as wondrous. But that is a story for another day…

Now that we have decided that I will not be returning to the working world just yet, I think that I need to keep the brain active.  As I have never really had a hobby and cannot even contemplate the thought of starting one now with being a full time mum, I have had to really think about my skills and interests.

That said, I have found the internet to be invaluable since I fell pregnant. Being in a new country with all my family spread across continents of the world, I have really gone through a massive learning curve in the birthing and parenthood stakes. I have obviously spent many nights trawling the web for relevant tips and advice and according to my husband, I like to talk  (a lot) about what I have learned and what I find interesting. His suggestion was to merge this talent with my interest and take a stab at blogging on his site that he has become too busy to keep up with.

Great idea, but being a mother really is all encompassing and what can I possibly have to offer the world that is not related to nappy changes, feeding, sleeping and the list goes on? Nothing! So I’ll write about what I know best and this is my experiences at being a very novice mother to an amazing little boy. Hopefully I am not the only sad person who has to resort to searching the internet to learn from similar experiences of others and, that someone, somehwere will find what I have to say interesting or at the very least, helpful in some way.

I do not claim to know it all, but I have learned a lot and have a long way to go yet, and hopefully I can share some of it with you along the way. So here is my maiden voyage in testing the waters of my ability in blogging…